A relative has been diagnosed with cancer.
Most of this year has been People (re)negotiating debt, arranging to Leave, and/or finally Leaving. It’s not even completely new news because old announcements take time to be set into motion in some cases.
There’s a nebulous category of people I can venerate (or honor, sometimes They differentiate the two) without officially being ‘here’. What shifts around as being okay to do is a bit too unsettled for sharing on the blog, as it’s rather exhausting to go back and forth about being able to xyz let alone sharing the back and forth publicly.
There are new People Who either don’t want to be talked about online or aren’t ready for online disclosure just yet. (While a part of me would love to share stuff about Some People, it just may not happen at all.)
If I meticulously go through my notes about 2017, I could probably find something a bit more tangibly memorable. However, the big elephant in the room is that I’m in self-induced stagnation. I’ve been too afraid of change to take the necessary steps to make my life better – unemployed, courting depression, too relieved that I’m bogged down in coping mechanisms instead of being actively suicidal ideation to set my own foot down.
I know my People have somewhat of a direction for me to aim for, and I know I need to change shit. Doing is different from knowing. I need to get the shit I was supposed to get done in 2017 done in 2018. Some People have been patiently waiting; Others have been doing Their own thing until I get my shit done.
The following is a more humorous way to greet the New Year:
[tumblr user moxperidot: 2018 starts with a full moon. 2018 is year of the dog. i’m onto you werewolves] (Source.)
The total solar eclipse was interesting to watch on tv (live and NOVA’s edited program later in the day that went into more detail about why scientists want to study the corona). We were in a partial zone (about 85% or so) but my family didn’t try to watch in person. In a secular sense, it was kinda fun, and I’d definitely consider trying to catch the next one.
For my People, it wasn’t quite as enjoyable. I must admit that I don’t know the specifics, but Fenrir, Angrboda, Hati, and Skoll all went through something. A Pack related altar for Them to recover and temporary changes to a playlist on Spotify for Their “time of mourning and self-destruction” lasted until the 25th. The exact details aren’t being shared at Their collective request, but I did wind up keeping some of the temporary songs in Their post-eclipse playlist.
The playlist has been a bit of a mix of Wolf mode and Pack influenced music from the beginning, but I definitely wouldn’t say this is a hard or final version. (While I may really associate a certain song with Someone, I also have to balance out any input They give, and sometimes They make it clear that They have input.) I haven’t tried sharing a link to a Spotify playlist before, but it should hopefully appear below.
In the fall of 2015, I started a segment of shadow work I referred to as #equinox shadow work 2015, which was supposed to last until the spring equinox of 2016. It was the reason for The Burning that I talked about here on WP and all of the Leaving.
There are Unseen processes at work with Leaving, and levels and clarifiers that didn’t always make sense. I knew there was some sort of paperwork element and getting approval, and I know there was a delay in when I got the news due to the amount of People Leaving.
There were also delays in me sharing because 1) I needed time before sharing something like that publicly, and 2) Sometimes People came back or entered a clarified region that was like “kinda back”, so I didn’t want to cause a lot of confusion. Sometimes, I was asked as part of the Leaving process to not share until a certain time had passed or until a certain date.
While I’m sure it was easy to see the signs in the posts I shared on the full moons in the latter part of 2016, but Mani was one of the People Who Left. He wanted me to finish out writing something for each full moon, but He also wanted me to wait until the total solar eclipse in 2017 to publicly reveal that He’d Left.
I’m not 100% sure why, but here’s the post that’s been scheduled for a year and a month into the future (written on the summer solstice of 2016). I changed through shadow work and kept winding up incompatible with Faces He tried to turn my way. His Faces were dealing with shadow work rubbing off onto Them, in some cases. Things weren’t at a point that it was impossible to continue, but things changed in terms of agreements and negotiations to the point that it was easier for Him to Leave.
I’ve been appalled and horrified, but not necessarily surprised, by the events this past weekend in Charlottesville. It’s as if the general public is waking up to the insidious destructive nature of white supremacy here in the US. I feel like it’s a drum I’ve been beating for several years now, and many other Heathens have been beating it much longer–they’re here! they’re destroying our culture and our religion! they’re destroying US, Americans, as a people, Heathens and Christians and Jews and Muslims alike! And it’s a tiny bit of a relief to finally hear from public figures that they see this too, and that they, too, are horrified. Or at least most of them are. (Our president the laughingstock is another matter entirely.)
I’ve been reading FB and news sources and other people’s blogs to the point that I’m actually getting physically nauseous most of the day, every day…
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A little blog maintenance: I’ve added a moon phase module that shows the current phase.
I was feeling quiet and contemplative this month and I think this video reflects that. I also finally got the Santa Fe incense to burn nicely. I really love this brand but sometimes I have a hard time keeping the blocks lit.
My mind has been quite occupied with several projects I have going on here at home (I’m helping out a local temple with some complicated sewing work) in addition to the rapidly-approaching Many Gods West. One session is prepped; the other still needs a bit of tidying up. I’m also preparing to start work at a house reader at a local metaphysical shop, so I’ve been making lots of marketing material for that. Oh, and I’ve been producing the Santa Muerte prayer cards! They’re now in the shop and ready to ship.
Lughnasadh posts have been trickling into my dash and feed for the past two weeks or so, but I wasn’t really feeling doing anything in particular. I wrote last year that I’m just off compatibility enough that Gaelic People don’t really stop by and I don’t see a point in forcing certain holidays. The Dublin Irish Festival mentioned last year isn’t as much of an option this year.
((Reminder that it’s here in Ohio. Dublin, OH is above Columbus which is itself an hour’s drive one way. As our capital and the closest big city, Columbus holds a special place in traffic torture for us. Add in how traffic can change with the Festival (parking) and Pelotonia happening this weekend, the last place we’d want to be is up there.))
Anyways, I didn’t have any sort of plan about doing anything for my Irish bio dead at the start of August. And then I ran into a pleasant surprise Wednesday evening, the 2nd, when my family turned on PBS to watch our usual 8 – 9 pm slot. There’s usually a documentary of some sort (we let ourselves be surprised by the topic each week), and this time it was the 2-hour long Ireland’s Wild Coast (link takes you to free video).
I’ve been sitting on a request since January of this year (7 months and counting) to include treating my body as a shrine in my path. I’m not new to the idea, and I’ve seen some people who mention this in relation to self care on my tumblr dash before, but I haven’t quite gotten to a full scale implementation. There wasn’t one sole reason for this, tbh, but it’ll help to bring seemingly unrelated debt and requests together I think.
[Text post from tumblr user @dattebayo-basa: my body isn’t a temple, it’s a condemned building covered in prophecies in the form of graffiti. my soul is a shrine made of garbage and neon and i am holy, hallelujah. (Source.)]
TW: animal death (passed in sleep).