Fork Theory

I’m a bit scattered with a borderline frantic edge lately. I’ve already covered that I’m reasonably sure my tumblr blogs will survive after the 17th, but it’s like the Fork Theory (see below). Fork: My grandfather’s birthday is coming up on the 16th (the one who died this past Sept; TW: Cancer II). Fork: Thanksgiving was hectic but did manage to distract us from this year being the first without him. However, due to our family being spread out and some living out-of-state (preexisting) and Words at Thanksgiving (new), Christmas won’t be like that. It’s always been a smaller affair featuring my grandparents, mother, and sister.

Fork: Yesterday, my mother, sister, and I went Xmas shopping, and I made myself sad in the middle of Walmart looking at calendars. It’s something that he used to cover exclusively until I found more specific ones in one of the bookstores on campus (so I would cover my mom and sister), and I automatically reminded myself that I shouldn’t get xyz because he would cover it. Fork: I’ve already lost content to communal blogs and people have (justifiably) left tumblr, and I feel like I’m losing time before whatever the final fracturing of some communities will be on the 17th.

I can’t control the vast majority of this. I feel like I’m back in a grind-to-cope coping mechanism (basically how I got through college), and if I can just Do Enough I might be able to limp across the finish line. The only problem this time around is that I don’t have an extensive external structure with multiple sources of pressure to keep me upright and Doing. I dug out an old sketchbook with the goal of trying to make my own planner instead of buying a prefabricated one. I switched between Google docs with WIP plays, WIP fanfics, and the barest skeleton of what I might try to hammer out during next year’s Nanowrimo.

I looked up yarn weight info because I’m trying to get back into knitting (and I have a skein of Mystery Yarn that I’ll need to do some gauge swatches on before I know if it’ll work for a certain project). I found out that my LJ is probably dead, but it does mean that looking at Dreamwidth resources for tumblr transferees made a little sense. I browsed through my language tags on my fandom/misc. tumblr (eventually, I’ll settle on one language to try to learn). My concentration may be shot to hell or sporadic so I couldn’t do much today, but I can devote a somewhat stupid amount of effort to this blogging situation.

Is it *truly* the best use of my time, energy, and mental resources? Probably not, but I can control something while importing or manually cross posting sideblogs. In hindsight, some of the gifsets may have worked out better in terms of my media storage limit if I had gone a different route than a straight forward import, but overhauling my theme, about, pages, and such is the easiest fork to address right now.

[Copying the important explanation from user jenroses:

“Have I told y’all about my husband’s Fork Theory?

If I did already, pretend I didn’t, I’m an old.

So the Spoon Theory is a fundamental metaphor used often in the chronic pain/chronic illness communities to explain to non-spoonies why life is harder for them. It’s super useful and we use that all the time.

But it has a corollary.

You know the phrase, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” right?

Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.

A fork could range from being hungry or having to pee to getting a new bill or a new diagnosis of illness. There are lots of different sizes of forks, and volume vs. quantity means that the fork limit is not absolute. I might be able to deal with 20 tiny little escargot fork annoyances, such as a hangnail or slightly suboptimal pants, but not even one “you poked my trigger on purpose because you think it’s fun to see me melt down” pitchfork.

This is super relevant for neurodivergent folk. Like, you might be able to deal with your feet being cold or a tag, but not both. Hubby describes the situation as “It may seem weird that I just get up and leave the conversation to go to the bathroom, but you just dumped a new financial burden on me and I already had to pee, and going to the bathroom is the fork I can get rid of the fastest.””

User cipheramnesia:
“I like this and also I like the low key point that you may be able to cope with bigger forks by finding little ones you can remove quickly. A combination of time, focus, and reduction to small stressors that can allow you to focus on the larger stressor in a constructive way.”]
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Vanic Import

I have a bad feeling I’m going to be dealing with a lot of double posting because I cross posted some of these between tumblr and WP. My apologies for the mess, but it’ll take a bit to get just-another-vanic-shrine situated and edit imported tags.

Tags from current version featuring Frey, Freya, Njord, Nott, and Sunna:

  • admin note
  • Faces
  • offerings: edible
  • offerings
  • Holidays
  • the bounty of land and sea (for that which is edible to non-humans)
  • beekult (bees, beekeeping, and such)
  • deerkult (antlers, deer, reindeer, etc.)
  • whalekult (various species of whales)
  • florakult (plants, flowers, herbs, trees, etc.)
  • sacred ink (tattoos)
  • return to the sea (ocean, ships, sea creatures)
  • twix land and sea (seashore, lighthouses)
  • return to the land (forests, farms, gardens)
  • repairing our world (sustainability efforts)
  • renewable energy (general)
  • spacekult (space, meteor showers, stars)
  • she wears the moon (lunar related)
  • Individual names: Njord, Frey, Freya, Nott, Sunna.

. . .

Leftover tags from Mani portion:

  • Lunar Faces (lunar related)
  • Activities: cooking
  • Movies & tv shows (gifsets)
  • Stuffie (stuffed animals)
  • Void-of-course (calming stuff, coping mechanisms, encouragement, etc.)
  • sfw

 

Loki’s Hands

A Trickster's Path

Pagan’s of all flavors, even Heathen, tend to recognize the ideas of the Right and Left Hand Path. And it is a simple way to speak to the ideals of the faith you follow. But let us take a look at perceptions of these two paths. 

Right Hand Paths tend toward gentler natures, soft ways, healing with Light and Love. Hope drives them forward, Life empowers them and a prevalent idea is that these types would harm none. And for my part and experience this is more than an apt description. 

They are the SJW’s fighting the good fight, they are the ones you see out there, ignoring their own needs for those who have no voice. Soup kitchens, shelters, VA supporters and workers, the doctors who travel the world to use their skills. These are all Light workers and on the Right Hand Path whether they know it or…

View original post 1,268 more words

Confessional (Fenrir)

[Originally written 1 June 2017, but it’s still incredibly relevant now. I don’t view Fenrir, my Father, as a father in the sense of a priest, but I believe I was in the midst of watching a lot of the tv show The Exorcist when I initially wrote this.]

A small grid pattern of shadows fall across my hands, and I focus on this instead of scrutinizing my surroundings. If I let my awareness relax, I can be in the darkness.

“Why are you here, my child?”, a deep voice slides out of the dark corners.

“Forgive me, Father for”, words feel caught in my throat and the silence grows, “I can’t say I sinned, but I made a mistake. I can’t feel You, so I stopped doing things for You. I can’t say it’s personal because I can’t feel Anyone and haven’t really done anything for Anyone else either. The silence and absence seem worse with You – I mean that I feel worse when it comes to You. I should’ve tried harder because I should trust that You’ll always be there because, I dunno, fathers don’t abandon their children or some stereotypical bullshit like that. I don’t know if You’ve abandoned me, but I can’t feel You either way, so it just didn’t seem important to drag myself through the motions.”

“What motions do you think you have to drag yourself through?”

“Ritual. Cleansing, formality, speeches, and memorized actions. Fancy prayer on a set schedule with a special robe and special glassware and offerings.”

“Who says you have to do all that?”

“I feel like it’s an expectation and I should do it. What else would I do? My Father’s supposed to be important enough to go through all the effort because not going through that effort means He’s not as important. I can’t say everyone else does all this effort all the time, but it’s what gets repeated. I like the idea of formality, dependability, structure – I just struggle with actually sticking with it all.”

“What does your Father expect?”

“It’s been awhile since I’ve asked. I don’t think He wants the fancy-shmancy stuff all the time because it’d be like suiting up and going out to a five star restaurant every night for dinner. It gets tiring and a bit too formal because it’s energetically expensive. That’s the kind of stuff you plan for a big ticket special occasion like a birthday or anniversary. Other occasions can be special, but it’s more like going to Olive Garden to celebrate the end of a school year. You’re not going whole hog, but you’re doing more than sharing a meal in your pajamas at home.”

“Have you thought of saving leftovers?”

“I thought He was too busy to be bothered. I didn’t want to be too spontaneous when I can’t hear Him. I guess it seemed better to ask for forgiveness than to struggle with getting permission.”

“Small steps, my child. Your Father may travel for work or be exceptionally busy at times, but He has not abandoned you.”

Import Progress

It took somewhere in the range of 4 – 5 days for my–angel–of–music to import, so I manually cross posted and backdated some (but not all) of the content for the-unholy-pentagram. I’ve got tags and Categories for both (parented under Fossilized Leaves, for archival posts). (Why? Perhaps it’s just a quirk in my brain, but it makes sense for content that spans more than sideblog or actually fits with other tags as well.)

the-unholy-pentagram: Posts from a shrine for the Infernal Five from a pov of theistic Satanism, starting in June 2015 (queue will run out this month). Lilith, Eve, Baphomet (Satan), Belial (the Devil), and Samael.

By doing it by hand, I was able to control the categorization and tagging for the-unholy-pentagram, so I temporarily have a bunch of Uncategorized stuff in new tags for my–angel–of–music. Some tags will be combined, while others will be kept (see below). It does seem like a lot of work on this side, but I find it easier to edit tags here in WP rather than on tumblr, so I’m just going to leave my tags alone for another import for just-another-vanic-shrine (for Frey, Freya, Nott, Sunna, and Njord).

Tags that already existed:

  • admin note
  • offerings
  • altar or shrine
  • path resources

Tags that will be edited to fit existing WP tagging:

  • writings –> writing as an offering
  • Applied Luciferianism Project –> writing as an offering

New tags thanks to this blog:

  • writing prompt
  • luciferian ally

Tags that will be combined into my–angel–of–music:

  • Peacock Angel: For all your peacock needs.
  • Angel of Music: Violin imagery, music, etc; classical music
  • Phantom: Phantom of the Opera associations
  • Mockingjay Rebellion: Mockingjay associations, rebellion, resistance, etc.
  • a light in the darkness: Mental illness, depression, coping, etc.
  • Faces
  • snake
  • apples
  • lightning
  • winter
  • angels

Import Attempt

The potential benefit of tumblr’s update is that I’m being forced to clean house and figure out if I really want to keep certain posts and sideblogs. I don’t really have space on my laptop to download and keep everything for every blog, so I’m trying out the Importer on a small blog, but I can’t guarantee I’ll want to import every single one.

In hindsight, I should’ve gone with the one post url archive blog rather than the one that’s ‘In Progress’ (+150 posts), but I’ll just have to see what happens now. I don’t know if my tagging system will run into interference or what because most of the pages I’m running in to take the stance of not having an existing WP that will be affected by an import.

I’m honestly not sure if it’ll just import to something ‘behind the scenes’ on my end, or if readers will suddenly have a bunch of posts (162), or what. I thought this through just enough to try it, but it wasn’t until I was staring at the spinning wheel of the progress beginning that I realized I did not think this through enough. So, this is a preemptive apology should things get a bit wacky.

For people who remember the posts about updates and Leaving, it may seem a bit odd to see certain People suddenly being talked about again, but I don’t want to wholesale lose archived shrine sideblogs. The import in progress is for: my–angel–of–music; a now archived shrine for Lucifer back when I did some blogging about being a Luciferian ally (2015).

Tumblring

I just haven’t quite been in a “proper format and effort for WP” writing mood a fair bit of this year. Ripple effects of shadow work changes, People finally getting around to Leaving, lots of ‘radio silence’. My grandfather’s cancer diagnosis and passing (as written about already). About six weeks after he passed, my Great Aunt passed away suddenly.

{It was the last night she was house-sitting for her daughter, who returned in the morning to find that she was on the floor. There were rumors of falling while packing up to go home, having a heart attack, or a stroke, but I’m just removed enough that I didn’t have to deal with death certificates and stuff with definite answers. We can hope she passed relatively painlessly and quickly, at least.}

Then very quickly after that, Thanksgiving. For the first time in my living memory, both of my uncles showed up to my grandmother’s and we had to deal with cousins bringing boyfriends / girlfriends (extra people! plus my step-aunt and step-cousin! so much social exhaustion). I can’t say it was the worst Thanksgiving I’ve ever experienced, but it’s just been more bland, utterly mundane stuff that doesn’t really merit a public blog post, y’know?

So, why am I sharing all of this now? On any given night, I typically go to one – if not both – of my primary tumblr accounts where I can vege, reblog something to a sideblog, maybe consider a post on a main blog. But it’s a bit like this right now:

*sigh* A content guidelines policy change starting 17 Dec, in a nutshell. I don’t necessarily want to break down the specifics in this particular post, but instead of addressing actual problems that they didn’t adequately moderate for in the past (porn bots, pedophiles, child porn), someone decided they’re just getting rid of all NSFW content. Based on a shitty algorithm that’s been catching SFW queer, (I believe) chronic pain, and frankly completely random posts with a special side of wtf because of the mention of “female presenting nipples”. Historical sculptures, saint imagery, and other art have been flagged, but there’s also been issues with how this is defined in relation to the trans community (non-sexual, post surgery pics, f’ex) and what makes “male presenting”  nipples okay.

This is the absolute opposite of what would’ve actually helped. Most NSFW blogs made a point of opting into the ‘NSFW’ flag, didn’t go looking for minors, and were alright with [hypothetical] measures to verify the account wasn’t a bot. Whether it was a sex worker just trying to earn some money or someone’s personal hobby account, most porn wasn’t hurting children (literally or metaphorically). An update to allow users to flag an account as a porn bot and some tweaks to the tagging system so NSFW tags were automatic (instead of needing to have users opt-in into using them) would’ve done more.

But now, we’re facing a loss of sex workers, queer friendly porn, sex positive porn, sex positivity in general, BDSM communities, and an unknown amount of Fandom loss (fanart will most likely be hit first). I’ve reblogged some consent and 101 stuff that’s kink related (#Fifty Shades of Don’t Be Abusive), but I *think* my sideblogs and main blogs will survive past the 17th, unless something queer, non-sexually kinky, or fanfic related lands me in hot water. (Or a random SFW post gets flagged.) Some people are rather blase about it, but it’s very surreal to think that blogs I’ve put years into (I think the oldest were started in 2012) and blogs I’ve been following for years (I remember reblogging the first posts for a now established community resource) may be gone.

I was a wee baby fic writer and didn’t have such an embedded online presence when Strikethrough and FF.net went through their big purges, and I’m still not sure if I lost content in a DA purge or not (but I think my account is still there?). I’ve lived through online hits before, but this is my first one that’s potentially going to dig in and hurt as it rips through the web. (People are dusting off older sites, backing up blogs here to WP, and looking into alternative sites, so it isn’t “just a tumblr thing”.) And it’s not easy trying to come up with how to explain what I’m feeling to non-tumblr people. It’s not my only social media platform, but some of the others – FB is a good example – are very much connected to my irl life and I need to carefully moderate who sees what to maintain a public image. It’s like needing to get dressed up to leave the house Monday morning, and tumblr is like getting to lounge around in pjs on a Friday night.

I know I need to think through the logistics of backing up certain blogs. There’s Adulting resources, knitting, Fandom, polytheistic + pagan + pop culture pagan, BDSM, language learning, and polyamorous posts among other topics. Do I want to transfer [certain] tags and sideblog shrines here? Should I look into Dreamwidth? I technically still have a LJ, but I haven’t touched it much after the Russian transfer thing went down (concerns of effecting queer content). I still have some time to think and plan, but I just really wasn’t prepared for something that’s been more stable and constant in my life to implode like this.

culturenlifestyle:

Galaxy Hair Trend Inspired by Stunning Astrophotography Shots

After the high demand of pastel and rainbow hair became an artistic trend among hair-stylists and their clients, the galaxy hair trend surfaced. The complicated process requires a highly skilled colorist to compose and maintain the new colorful style. Above, we have a compiled a list of ten photos, which demonstrate the striking similarities between astronomy photographs and the hues added to different hairstyles. From tantalizing violets, to deep purples, all colors could be made.

h/t: boredpanda

[img src: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10]