Mani’s Void-of-course Face

As I mentioned in the intro post, I have a devotional power dynamic with Him, and He still wants that to remain. Rather than there being any large upheavals, there seems to be tweaking to how we already interact. He’s been shifting to a more ace Face (catching on far more quickly than I that I’m disinterested and squicked by sex). While I can still share info about, for, and offerings specific to His Void-of-course Face, He has realized that He needs to take our needs into account. I don’t know about others, but for me, Void-of-course results in varying degrees of depression and sometimes eating disorder related brainweasels.

From what I’ve been able to divine, He can show different mental illnesses in different degrees of comorbidity to different individuals (so for someone out there, He may have schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder, or both, or some other combination). This past winter I experienced the worst escalation of depression I’ve had to date (seasonal depression with fall / winter onset, and each year has progressively escalated, but this past winter seriously fucking escalated).

He had been hoping that I could interact more with His Void-of-course Face but realized while watching me this winter that I can’t interact to the extent that He had been hoping. We would trigger each other too much and feed off of each other in terms of the brainweasel “thought loops” and altered thinking instead of helping to break them. It relates to why He was so upset with me during that time and for awhile afterwards.

On one hand, He knew I couldn’t control just how bad things got. On the other hand, He had been wanting so badly for me to be able to help this particular Face that it didn’t seem fair that I couldn’t handle interacting with Anyone at all. On another hand, He could see that things weren’t going to go well and couldn’t understand why I didn’t try to get help sooner. And on another hand, He knows that part of brainweasels playing around in your mind is that you can’t see how bad things are getting.

That’s the primary change (as of writing this). I have posts queued up for Him on His sideblog shrine (corresponding primarily to the dates of the lunar phases) all the way through my fall semester back on campus. For now, that’s the main devotional activity I have in mind for Him. Between school’s usual decline in what I do, the expected increase in how busy I’m going to be in my last year of undergrad, the devotional trial period (related to the Infernal Five) and most Others backing off the New Relationship Energy, and needing to adjust to a management plan so that I don’t go through another really fucking bad winter, I’m probably not going to have the time or energy to do anything else, really. (Definitely not a permanent stance, though, and we will get back to something like we had before with more frequent irl stuff.)

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