First Impressions

Well, I’ve already talked about interacting with Fenrir’s Hat for about a year before starting to get personal tweaks (don’t self-injure) and then eventually some dream messages. I didn’t really have impressions from these interactions until I interacted with a visual avatar in my first dream of Him. I had had a dream message to start off the Wolf mode [wolfkin] thing already, and this one was an offer of help in regards to this issue. The following are my notes (with some commentary).

Date / Time: Early am hours of 3.28.14; I bolted awake at 7:49 am (1 hour and 11 minutes before my alarm was to go off). It’s not a common thing for me to wake up that early before my alarm, and I certainly wasn’t used to having such an adrenaline rush from being afraid.

Setting: I was in the second house of my childhood (Olmsted Township house), which has a particular set up that becomes important. The front door has a hallway with an archway that branches out to the rest of the house (immediately the living room), and the hallway itself ends in a corner that is the wall to the my grandparents’ bathroom. It’s important to know that you can be in this corner or in the bathroom and see to the front door.

Anything important about me: I was in the pajamas that I had worn to bed. My notes of the dream include specific details; I usually don’t remember this much detail about my clothing, and I usually am not wearing what I’m actually sleeping in. While the exact outfit referenced is satisfactory to sleep in, I feel inherently vulnerable when doing anything in them. (As a boob-haver who doesn’t actually want said boobs, I do not interact with strangers without a bra or something that helps to hide my chest.)

So what the fuck happens:

I’m standing in the doorway of the bathroom watching the toilet have uncharacteristically fast changes in water movements – water level is practically flushed low then it’s overflowing, and then it retreats back in and overflows a moment later. Needless to say, I’m confused, and then there’s a knock at the front door. The actual door is open, so I can see that there’s someone standing there, and he can see me. He seems to be in his 20s, and he has black or really dark brown hair. The screen door is only screen for the top half, so I can definitely see that he’s wearing a black t-shirt, and I think he has black jeans on as well.

I don’t know him, and he doesn’t introduce himself. He offers to help me if I let him in, and I realize that he can’t let himself in (sort of like the traditional vampire who needs permission to enter). I mentally try to think of all of the doors for the house, and the only door that I’m not 100% sure is shut is the back door through the laundry room (and that fucker’s not close at all to where I currently am). I’m not entirely sure why, but I suddenly know that someone else came with him, and they’re searching the house for a way to get in. It might be how calm he is and how he’s not overly concerned with getting me to let him in, but I’m suddenly afraid that someone else is in the house.

I already feel vulnerable in my pajamas while talking to a stranger, and this just adds to my vulnerability. I crouch down in the corner, and I remember turning my body so I’m in profile and look smaller. I growl, but it’s not like really aggressive growling; it’s more along the lines of ‘don’t come near me, please don’t hurt me’ growling. I very clearly remember looking up at him and growling – afraid because I have no idea what he might do if someone else lets him in, and I can feel my back prickling in the 6th sense-ish manner that it does. He smiles, and I can tell that he’s more amused than anything else. I seemed to do that dream split away to see my own body thing, and I could see wolf ears flared back out of fear.


Additional commentary:

The erratic toilet was symbolic of my lack of control over mentally shifting and going into ‘higher levels of Wolf mode’. I still have no idea if someone actually came with Him, but that doesn’t change that I was convinced someone else was going to get in and then let Him in.

I don’t think I consciously knew it was Fenrir during the dream, but when I bolted awake, I knew it was Him. The main sign that I’ve had a dream where Someone used an avatar to interact with me is that I can’t remember details and specifics of the avatar once I’m awake. It’s like someone blurs out the details, and I wouldn’t be able to recreate or pick the face out of a line up if my life depended on it. I have a vague impression that He used an avatar I would associate with “charmingly bad boy-ish” because that’s the feeling I get when I try to remember the face.

Due to circumstances happening on campus / in the news / irl, I had a very specific fear that Him and whoever had come along with Him would attack me in a particular way. In hindsight, I don’t think He (or They) would have done so, though They might have incorporated an element from a different dream in purposefully triggering a mental shift so I would know it was a trigger.

There was still something dangerous about Him that I could sense; it reminded me of a certain passage in a vampire book I read in my youth where the vamp protag is talking about needing to be careful about body language and what subconscious signals he sends to humans because they can pick up on when a Predator is among them because of primal, Prey level instincts and such.

So, yeah. First time I interacted with an avatar of Fenrir in a dream I was utterly scared.

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