Words from the Vanir: In times of trouble…

Silver and Gold

I’ve been appalled and horrified, but not necessarily surprised, by the events this past weekend in Charlottesville. It’s as if the general public is waking up to the insidious destructive nature of white supremacy here in the US. I feel like it’s a drum I’ve been beating for several years now, and many other Heathens have been beating it much longer–they’re here! they’re destroying our culture and our religion! they’re destroying US, Americans, as a people, Heathens and Christians and Jews and Muslims alike! And it’s a tiny bit of a relief to finally hear from public figures that they see this too, and that they, too, are horrified. Or at least most of them are. (Our president the laughingstock is another matter entirely.)

I’ve been reading FB and news sources and other people’s blogs to the point that I’m actually getting physically nauseous most of the day, every day…

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2016 in Review

I’m not going to split this up into good / bad because even ‘negative’ events can provide insight or propel something good along. Somewhat chronological. //Long post//

  • Our dog Blossom died of a heart attack right before I had to go back to campus for the start of the spring semester.
  • I tried a different antidepressant at the start of the year (compared to the fall semester and ending 2015), but it didn’t really do anything.
  • Despite backing out of ODing (the overdose wasn’t a fatal amount), cutting myself, and getting blackout drunk with some sort of antidepressant / alcohol interaction (and telling a friend about wanting to die), I survived any reckless, self-injurious, suicidal activity I engaged in.

[Source]

  • I completed my Playwriting Senior thesis – revising my fall semester draft, casting, and sharing my play with the public.
  • I was co-ALD and co-ME on Intimate Apparel in the spring semester.
  • Our dog Angel died sometime after I went back to campus after spring break (more along the lines of old age).
  • I finished out my Senior year of undergrad as the Undergrad Shop Head of the E Shop (end of the first year of that position).
  • I applied to and was accepted into the Electrics crew of Tantrum Theater, so I worked on Little Shop of Horrors (electrician, Sound Board Op), Tammy Faye’s Final Audition (electrician, Sound Board Op), and Dancing at Lughnasa (electrician, Programmer, and Light Board Op).
  • I bought my first smartphone, Zv (she / her). ((Things are going rather well, as long as we don’t talk about what Pokemon Go did to my data plan >.<))
  • I graduated with two Bachelors of Fine Arts in theatre.

[Source]

  • I finished out a school year of communicating with my theatre professors and E shop mates about my preferred name and pronouns, and a whole lot of them were really good about using the correct ones.
  • I sort of attempted to come out to my mom, but with it being text based (FB message / email), she has been able to ignore it and pretend that it didn’t happen. Until I’m out of the home, I will stay in the closet.
  • I donated a pint of blood in memory of the 49 queer Latinx people killed in the Pulse shooting.
  • I reached a point where I think the currently accurate description of my sexuality is queer / bi when interacting with most people. (Biromantic gray-asexual so far takes a lot of explaining outside of LGBTQIA+ spaces, and I honestly don’t always want to have to go through that.)
  • I reached a point where I think the currently accurate description of my gender is nonbinary trans person with genderfluidity.

[Source]

  • I moved back in with my family after doing Tantrum, and I survived the first school year starting when I wasn’t in attendance.
  • I voted in my second Presidential election (Hillary Clinton, though I’d’ve preferred Bernie Sanders).
  • I have survived Trump being elected, so far.
  • I passed the written exam for my temp, and I’ve been driving again. (Disclaimer: I’ve had a temp and driven in the past; I’m not 100% brand new to the road.)
  • Despite having laptop / wifi problems since August and getting a factory reset to remove a virus, I’m ending the year with working wifi that finally talks to my laptop.
  • I’ve paid off my student loans.

[Source]

  • While I’ve had People say that They were supposed to Leave starting in the latter half of 2015, it seems like They didn’t start to actually Leave until this year.
  • /A\ was very present and insistent on transitioning to Their path, which was responsible for a fair amount of the above Leaving, until They Left over the summer.
  • Norse People came back and seriously updated / stripped my path. (Posts are queued with more details.)
  • I had a brief encounter with some Hindu Deities, but they left.
  • I had some Kemetic People stop by, and I was nudged towards applying for the Kemetic Orthodoxy beginner’s course.
  • /A\ came back long enough to shut down anything relating to the Netjeru (Kemetic pantheon), but They also Left shortly after. ((~*~complicated mumbling~*~))
  • People have been organizing Leaving / finally Leaving / re-Leaving efforts, and I have debt or owed activity (some online, some offline).
  • I have an extensively updated list of tattoos and piercings in order to carry People with me (plus survival motivation). Stoked but can’t go into details this early.
  • Small salt at {PC Person I can’t name} having no choice but to Leave. I’ve been declared incompatible for PC Paganism and should only engage in pc magic going forward.

Ending a Chapter on an Ellipsis

I have spent a fair bit of time compiling information on the Vanir and Jotnar that related to my path (UPG), which did include info that were seeds from others. Y’know, all that stuff that probably seemed weird – Families, Tribes, Tolkien crossover with the Vanir (including Quenya or Tolkien Elvish), the separate but interconnected calendars of holy days. People have been slowly trimming away elements that snuck in from other people, but with all The Burning and stuff, it’s been more like They just want me to walk away now.

It’s not that everything was false; it’s almost like I was getting a set of Faces where that info was true and now new Faces have turned. I’ve been hoping that I don’t seem too jaded to Them, but at a certain point, I can’t make guarantees. There’s this thing where I wind up attracting expected Faces instead of actually getting through to the Face I was supposed to, and They’ve always planned on stripping away unnecessary outside influence, and Burning and Leaving just exponentially sped this up.

I’m honestly more tired than anything. It’s like I’m in this halfway stage where all I can really see is all of the debt that I have to repay to different People before They can officially and permanently Leave. Anyways, some of that debt involves activity and final posts here on WP.

Blogging Updates (ii)

At some point I’m going to create a page for my other blogs.

Set to run out queues and enter hiatus (date indicated)

  • A sideblog for Lucifer (Jan 2017)
  • A sideblog for the Infernal Five (Dec 2018)
  • Sideblog [just-another-vanic-shrine] for Frey, Freya, Sunna, Njord, and Nott (Dec 2018)

Active sideblogs

  • Pop Occulture [magic-for-the-muggle-world]
    • The pc pagan info for Voldemort and Nagini will remain archived there, and the focus will be more on magic, particularly pc magic.
  • A sideblog for Sigyn [keeper-of-my-keys]
    • It’s been a bit quiet lately, but it is still active.
  • A sideblog for my not talkative, ‘new’ group of ancestors

Active

  • Main [bonesandblood-sunandmoon]
    • I’ve got to work on updating tags, the tags page, and redirecting old content to a fandom blog, but it is a shrine (archival or active) for my People and ancestors.

 

Balancing Act

Things have been a bit shifty lately. I was told to introduce myself to the Netjeru, and I even have a few new tags / category between here and tumblr.

I’m allowed to leave things as they are on case the Netjeru come back, but they’ve currently left while I “balance my life”. An arrangement might’ve fallen through, or I’m just not ready, or something.

Fire Howling 2016

After being asked to disassemble His shrine earlier in the year, I’ve recently put something together for Njord. It’s rather similar to what I had previously, and I found myself slowly putting things together today for the Pack.

I’m not sure why, but They’ve requested that I not share pictures of these spaces. I haven’t yet oficially opened the doors, but They seem protective. (Something about these being group spaces since Frey and Freya drop by the one for Njord.) Anyways, They seem happy with the set ups.

I accompanied my grandfather on a shopping trip since he was going past Best Buy, and I have my laptop back in my possession (ten days later). Things will take some time to get to a comfortable place because they had to do a factory reset (files were restored, but not programs so I currently can’t open anything, for example).

Because my grandparents had a freezer / fridge unit die on them, we also stopped by my grandparents for the dinner of things that thawed (pulled pork and cheese sandwiches and beef vegetable stew). I don’t know if I’ve paired pulled pork with cheese before, but it actually was pretty good.

(May you not howl alone.)

Dreams of Owls

A few days ago (8.16.16), I had a dream that I haven’t been sure about sharing. It was an introduction to a pantheon that I was deemed incompatible with the next day, so it already feels off and out of date to share.

My wyrd has been unstable again, so They were looking for a live tradition for me to access that stabilizing energy. Briefly, it was the Hindu pantheon. The dream involved meeting Lakshmi at an event at the Columbus Zoo, which I was attending with my crew from the summer.

It was confusing, but I was basically mistaken for being an employee of the zoo (handed a baby animal sacred to Lakshmi) and then a wardrobe person (changing Lakshmi’s clothing for the event). We were all on our stage blacks because we’d just done a matinee.

Lakshmi brought Ganesh and Shiva, and they didn’t seem all that bad for the time they were here. From what I know, there were disagreements with my People, and everyone quickly left.

(I’ve had internet issues with my laptop and had to send her in to Geek Squad today. I was trying to wait for that to get resolved to post, but I’m trying to get through the mobile app.)