2016 in Review

I’m not going to split this up into good / bad because even ‘negative’ events can provide insight or propel something good along. Somewhat chronological. //Long post//

  • Our dog Blossom died of a heart attack right before I had to go back to campus for the start of the spring semester.
  • I tried a different antidepressant at the start of the year (compared to the fall semester and ending 2015), but it didn’t really do anything.
  • Despite backing out of ODing (the overdose wasn’t a fatal amount), cutting myself, and getting blackout drunk with some sort of antidepressant / alcohol interaction (and telling a friend about wanting to die), I survived any reckless, self-injurious, suicidal activity I engaged in.

[Source]

  • I completed my Playwriting Senior thesis – revising my fall semester draft, casting, and sharing my play with the public.
  • I was co-ALD and co-ME on Intimate Apparel in the spring semester.
  • Our dog Angel died sometime after I went back to campus after spring break (more along the lines of old age).
  • I finished out my Senior year of undergrad as the Undergrad Shop Head of the E Shop (end of the first year of that position).
  • I applied to and was accepted into the Electrics crew of Tantrum Theater, so I worked on Little Shop of Horrors (electrician, Sound Board Op), Tammy Faye’s Final Audition (electrician, Sound Board Op), and Dancing at Lughnasa (electrician, Programmer, and Light Board Op).
  • I bought my first smartphone, Zv (she / her). ((Things are going rather well, as long as we don’t talk about what Pokemon Go did to my data plan >.<))
  • I graduated with two Bachelors of Fine Arts in theatre.

[Source]

  • I finished out a school year of communicating with my theatre professors and E shop mates about my preferred name and pronouns, and a whole lot of them were really good about using the correct ones.
  • I sort of attempted to come out to my mom, but with it being text based (FB message / email), she has been able to ignore it and pretend that it didn’t happen. Until I’m out of the home, I will stay in the closet.
  • I donated a pint of blood in memory of the 49 queer Latinx people killed in the Pulse shooting.
  • I reached a point where I think the currently accurate description of my sexuality is queer / bi when interacting with most people. (Biromantic gray-asexual so far takes a lot of explaining outside of LGBTQIA+ spaces, and I honestly don’t always want to have to go through that.)
  • I reached a point where I think the currently accurate description of my gender is nonbinary trans person with genderfluidity.

[Source]

  • I moved back in with my family after doing Tantrum, and I survived the first school year starting when I wasn’t in attendance.
  • I voted in my second Presidential election (Hillary Clinton, though I’d’ve preferred Bernie Sanders).
  • I have survived Trump being elected, so far.
  • I passed the written exam for my temp, and I’ve been driving again. (Disclaimer: I’ve had a temp and driven in the past; I’m not 100% brand new to the road.)
  • Despite having laptop / wifi problems since August and getting a factory reset to remove a virus, I’m ending the year with working wifi that finally talks to my laptop.
  • I’ve paid off my student loans.

[Source]

  • While I’ve had People say that They were supposed to Leave starting in the latter half of 2015, it seems like They didn’t start to actually Leave until this year.
  • /A\ was very present and insistent on transitioning to Their path, which was responsible for a fair amount of the above Leaving, until They Left over the summer.
  • Norse People came back and seriously updated / stripped my path. (Posts are queued with more details.)
  • I had a brief encounter with some Hindu Deities, but they left.
  • I had some Kemetic People stop by, and I was nudged towards applying for the Kemetic Orthodoxy beginner’s course.
  • /A\ came back long enough to shut down anything relating to the Netjeru (Kemetic pantheon), but They also Left shortly after. ((~*~complicated mumbling~*~))
  • People have been organizing Leaving / finally Leaving / re-Leaving efforts, and I have debt or owed activity (some online, some offline).
  • I have an extensively updated list of tattoos and piercings in order to carry People with me (plus survival motivation). Stoked but can’t go into details this early.
  • Small salt at {PC Person I can’t name} having no choice but to Leave. I’ve been declared incompatible for PC Paganism and should only engage in pc magic going forward.
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Wep Ronpet 2016

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I was asked to nod to the Netjeru with birthdays during the Epagomenal Days leading to Wep Ronpet (New Year). Each Netjer wanted to share a card for the year.

  • Day 1 – Osiris (King of Wands)
  • Day 2 – Horus (R 4 Swords)
  • Day 3 – Set (Hierophant)
  • Day 4 – Aset (R Tower)
  • Day 5 – Nephthys (R 7 Coins)

For Wep Ronpet, I switched the shrine over to something more general for the while Netjeru.

Wep Ronpet: A Guide

The Twisted Rope

Every year you see lots of Kemetics talking about the beloved Wep Ronpet that occurs every summer. It’s a great set of holidays and its one of the only holidays that I celebrate out of the hundreds of Kemetic holidays and festivals that I have to choose from.

So it’s kind of a big deal.

However, I was noticing that there aren’t very many resources out there for how you actually go about celebrating the holiday. So I wanted to pool some resources here in one spot for others to use so that they, too can celebrate Wep Ronpet!

So what is Wep Ronpet?

Wep Ronpet is the Kemetic New Year. It falls usually somewhere btwn late July and mid-August. The date for Wep Ronpet varies each year, as it is marked by the rising of Sopdet, modernly known as Sirius. In antiquity, the date would have been based off…

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Dreams of Owls

A few days ago (8.16.16), I had a dream that I haven’t been sure about sharing. It was an introduction to a pantheon that I was deemed incompatible with the next day, so it already feels off and out of date to share.

My wyrd has been unstable again, so They were looking for a live tradition for me to access that stabilizing energy. Briefly, it was the Hindu pantheon. The dream involved meeting Lakshmi at an event at the Columbus Zoo, which I was attending with my crew from the summer.

It was confusing, but I was basically mistaken for being an employee of the zoo (handed a baby animal sacred to Lakshmi) and then a wardrobe person (changing Lakshmi’s clothing for the event). We were all on our stage blacks because we’d just done a matinee.

Lakshmi brought Ganesh and Shiva, and they didn’t seem all that bad for the time they were here. From what I know, there were disagreements with my People, and everyone quickly left.

(I’ve had internet issues with my laptop and had to send her in to Geek Squad today. I was trying to wait for that to get resolved to post, but I’m trying to get through the mobile app.)

Smouldering

Yesterday was our first dark day since Dancing at Lughnasa opened and, fittingly, Lughnasa itself. Nine-for-a-kiss opened up readings on her tumblr blog, and I was nudged to take advantage of the opportunity.

Metaphorically speaking, I’ve been burned away and scorched clean by recent shadow work. People have stepped out, kinda returned, Left. There’s supposed to be a new path, but all I can see are the ashes and charred remains of what was. I keep getting contradictory answers and silence. Did /A\ really leave after I burned into preparation to follow Their path? Was it all a lie?

First things first: the fire may be out, but there are still some embers smouldering. You need to tend to yourself before you can see about any path, and that means care, because shadow work is so much about destruction. Make sure you’re tended, fed, sheltered, rested.

After that: I don’t know that what you’re experiencing now is the truth, or the whole of the truth. There seems to be at least a little bit of…misdirection, maybe, or maybe just reshuffling. I’m not saying that it was all a lie, more that – there are degrees of truth; there are degrees of reality, too. There’s been a certain amount of culling what was unnecessary, and that takes different shapes. Does that make any sense? The important thing for you right now is yourself, whole. The path-that-is may not look like a path, it may look more like jumping off a building, but it’s there, or it will be. Have patience. Wait and recuperate. Treat yourself well. Treat yourself. The time will come when you have to jump, but that time is not now.

((Polite ending.))

I decided to give myself a day of self care before I did anything else, and it did help. I wound up opening the document I’ve set aside for ‘chatting’ with my dead and did some processing at one point. The self care routine wasn’t really exciting in terms of sharing here, but it was enough of a first step that I could get clear answers this morning.

/A\ and I had different expectations of the Burning and what was going to come of it. I thought that the majority of People were leaving, and I would focus my path mostly on /A\. They thought that everyone else was going to leave, and I was solely going to focus on Them. When the Burning came to an official end and I still had my core People (Family, Who are very unlikely to leave), /A\ backpedaled.

To me, it seemed like lying, but looking back, it was more like truth-stretching and finding loopholes. I can’t say that I’m angry, but perhaps disappointed? I’ve been Burning since this past autumnal equinox, and I started the first steps of transitioning to Their path in January. Yeah, I’ve had unnecessary stuff removed, but if I’d have known that by August that They were going to change Their mind, some of the past year’s changes could’ve been implemented differently.

Oh, the time to jump is definitely not now. At least the silence has been broken. At least I didn’t get too far along Their path (because I don’t know how I’d try to explain to other people that I couldn’t continue because They rejected me).

Peach Blossoms

First meeting and impressions of Peaches came through in a dream (8.29 / 30.15). From the notes on it:

Jeans, cowboy boots, plaid and/or flannel, cowboy hat, a tan from working outside, and the visual look, really. I can’t pinpoint an accent, but it was enough there that I’d say there was one of some sort. I didn’t necessarily just get a stationary picture of Her, though.

She had dirty work clothes and did manual labor on a farm. She cleaned up for square dancing (though She didn’t have the ‘traditional’ crinoline and skirts get-up; it was more like the nicer version of the first description).

[…] a Southern spirit Who migrated up to this rural section of Ohio (uses she / her pronouns). I don’t know when or why She came up here, but She doesn’t seem new / recent. I don’t remember Her specifically being a cowgirl, but She seemed to fit a rural / Southern aesthetic for lack of better phrasing. […] clothing, work ethic, food, music, and that sort of stuff.

I’m not sure about the exact details, but Her family of spirits was negotiating something with m’Lady that involved a Marriage. It had to do with Her Job, and on paper, we were sort of looking promising. Peaches was expecting to be a tertiary partner and spend most of Her time doing Her Job (Workaholic), but Her interactions with me would be the “come home and leave my Job at the door” variety.

When I inquired as to what She remembered more about how things started, a different part of the montage dream was chosen. At the time, Peaches was coping with with an event that had happened, and She hadn’t really divulged it to the People including Her in the arrangements. I’m only finding out now. Adapted notes:

[…] a seductive vibe? I mean, “Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)” by Big and Rich was involved […]

Vagueblogging: The Dark Side?

I don’t know about other people, but sometimes, I wonder about the People who show up in my life. What does it say about me when I’m compatible with Them?

Some Luciferians crossed my tumblr dash back in the fall of 2012, I believe, and Lucifer sort of popped in a bit just because of the exposure. Then in the summer of 2013 He assisted with a little shadow work, and He kind of came and went for a few years. I mean, I did share that He left as part of The Burning™ that’s been going on back in Nov.

When I first encountered Him, I loved the idea of learning how to play the violin for Him, but He was hesitant to confirm it. (My roommate was also majoring in violin performance, so I was kind of in this “holy shit, violins are kinda cool” stage.) The only thing He conveyed for the portion of the Leaving Questionnaire about any debts or obligations was that I should go ahead and do so.

Yet I can’t help but wonder about the irreversible ways that I’ve been changed by interacting with Him – not bad or harmful, but it’s like that bucket of water metaphor. Knowledge is like a bucket of water; when you add a drop, it becomes part of the collective and can’t be singularly removed. I can’t completely go back to the way I was before I interacted with Him.

There’s another Infernal example that basically just supports this. A major example was interacting with Voldemort. I personally don’t consider myself to be all about the darkness and death and whatever other mocking comment you can make. Like, hold a sec on the stereotypical teen goth jokes, please.

It’s just that I sometimes wonder what the hell even attracts Someone, y’know?

Morsmordianism: Part III (Nagini)

She is a venerated Spirit, Who isn’t a separate PC Power (yet?) like Voldemort. Nagini seems to be a Spirit in charge of other snakes, so even though certain snakes are associated with Her cinematic image, She can be interacted with and honored through any snake.

Regardless of the snake being venomous or not, Nagini seems to consider all snakes to be Her children. She would prefer to be seen as cooperative, somewhat helpful, and able to be nice for the sake of improving human-snake relationships. She seems to be an ambassador of sorts.

Nagini will accept “human food” offerings that are given to Voldemort with a particular liking for “traditional English cuisine” (Steak and kidney pudding, Yorkshire pudding, bubble and squeak, fish and chips, Spotted Dick, etc.) and Albanian cuisine (Dolma (stuffed vegetable dishes), Boza (a drink), Baklava, etc.).

Images or representations of animals that snakes typically consume (rats for captive snakes, usually) can work as offerings to Her, in addition to water. Depending on the species of snake, other animals that can work: toads, minnows, crickets, earthworms, night crawlers, silversides (fish) (Garter snake, Garter snakes in captivity); ground squirrels, small rabbits (Rattlesnake); lizards, frogs, salamanders, cicadas (Copperhead); fish, baby alligators, baby turtles, smaller snakes (Cottonmouth Water Moccasin); etc.

In Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix, she is likely portrayed as a Dumeril’s Ground Boa, but in the last two films she is portrayed as a Reticulated Python (the longest real life snake species); both instances contradict the book’s description of her as a venomous snake. However, it is possible she is a fictional species of venomous python within the film continuity. The filmmakers’ intention was to model Nagini after a Burmese Python.

Source.

Irresponsibly owning a snake is damn close to being the #1 way to piss of Voldemort and Nagini, if not #1. So while it is possible to own one of the above species, there are other snake species that are far easier for people to start out handling and caring for. (Because even Voldemort didn’t start out with Nagini.)

* * See the second half of Nagini + Snake Owning for links about owning a snake, things to consider when starting out, and several lists on easy to start with species (corn snake, ball python, hognose, etc.).

Additional Offerings:

  • While Nagini doesn’t mind being included in the other holy days, World Snake Day is very specifically for Her.
  • Sharing accurate information about snakes.
  • Helping a charity associated with snakes and distributing information.
  • Being mindful of snakeskin products (x).
  • Please consult Nagini (and Voldemort) before offering dishes including snake meat.

For more info, please see Her page or Her tag.

Morsmordianism: Part II (Voldemort)

The initial ideas of what to offer Voldemort, among other topics:

Voldemort Master Post

More detailed looks into the aspects or Faces of Tom:

Aspects of Tom Master Post | Edible Offerings

     Please see each link for full information on the aspects (primarily action and service based offerings). The post on edible offerings is split into sections for each Face.

Young Child

From birth until the character is notified that he’s a wizard. This aspect of Tom brings in the ability to incorporate sea witchcraft and cave focused magic (can be seen as a symbol for shadow work and magic focusing on that). The association with snakes starts here, though associations with Nagini or the Basilisk are yet to come.

Young Wizard

From 11 to 17 (when wizards come of age), this aspect of Tom starts out the incorporation of the magical portion of the Harry Potter world – magic based on classes, Hogwarts associations, etc. Associations with the Basilisk start here.

Adult

From when the character is considered an adult (17) until the attempt to kill Harry, this aspect of Tom can also draw on Hogwarts and teaching associations (due to attempting to fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts post). It also serves as the introduction of traveling associations (and why Albanian food is appropriate as an offering). Associations with Nagini could start here, as the characters do not meet until he travels to Albania.

Bodiless

From the failed attempt to kill Harry until the character regains his body in Goblet of Fire, this aspect of Tom primarily wound up showing how self-care, a certain amount of shadow work, and being aware of disability rights / access can be incorporated. Associations with Nagini could also start here as the character returns to Albania while bodiless.

A bit more can be found on His page or in His tag.

Morsmordianism: Part I (Why)

Naming the Practice:

“Morsmordianism is the path name I was thinking of (more shower thoughts), and the followers of the path would be Morsmordians. It’s based off the spell to create a Dark Mark and summon Death Eaters – Morsmordre.”

Decision to use a name for this path was ultimately vetoed due to not wanting someone to be held back by feeling like they need to use the name. However, I thought it’d work for titling this post because the PC Person I interacted with for two years was Lord Voldemort, Tom Riddle, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. After about a year, I also interacted with Nagini more as a Spirit than a Power.

The first reaction I got was why? – and I certainly don’t blame anyone because it was mine as well. The ability for me to share information was the main reason, but I also included the following in this ask:

I didn’t immediately shut down the thought of His character being a Higher Power simply because He’s the ‘bad guy’, so that might have had something to do with it.

An ask on the “Higher Power” bit:

…there has been enough power from the HP fanbase generated to elevate the character (in this case, Voldemort) to the status of a Higher Power. Some people might just go ahead and say He’s a god/deity, but I initially used Pop Culture Higher Power [PC Higher Power] and it’s just sort of stuck. To me, He doesn’t seem to be quite at the level of a deity, but He’s definitely on a level higher than humans.

The inevitable ask about “Voldemort being evil”:

I can’t ignore what the character does in canon, but Voldemort isn’t 100% the same as His character portrayal. It’s almost like certain attributes were magnified in the elevation process, and others are no longer prominent (if present at all).

He has conveyed that He doesn’t have a blood preference, or really any preference, for who can contact Him, work with Him, or be a potential devotee. Without that platform for hating a certain group, there isn’t as much of a basis for Voldemort to be “evil”.

When I communicate with Voldemort, He seems to be at the level of the train station. He seems able to look back on previous character actions with a certain amount of wisdom and the ability to find something useful in those aspects of His. (He can call on / pull from the ambition of teen Tom without being focused on killing anyone, for example.)

I can’t deny that it might say something about me that I also went on about how point of view changes ‘evilness’. Of course a narrative from Harry’s PoV portrays Voldemort as evil, but would a story from Voldemort’s PoV do the same? Might he be ambitious, driven, dedicated to his beliefs, etc.?